...to Know How Easy It Is To Mess Up a Life

Don't drive drunk, practice safe sex, don't do drugs. I learned from my parents and teachers to follow these basic rules (and a few others) to keep my life from turning into a train wreck. When I was a kid, I would hear stories of people's lives run to ruin and think, "That could never happen to me because I'm smart, disciplined, and follow the rules that protect me from myself and others. If my life were heading into a tailspin, I would know because I would have done something glaringly foolish or willfully destructive." Young people, like me back in the day, may cling to such a belief because it makes us feel safe and in control of our lives. But what about all of the decisions we make that seem reasonable, even innocent, that lead to devastating consequences:  becoming a friend to someone in need who turns out to be a con artist; choosing a college that seems like a good fit but ends up surrounding you with bad influences; or investing your life's savings in a sure thing that will keep you prosperous for the rest of your days only to lose it all in a sudden downswing? We make choices like these all the time, many times with great deliberation, and yet they can have unintended and irreparable consequences. Can it really be that easy to screw up a life?

The Italian Mama considered this question earlier this year as she watched the Paterno family and the Penn State community say a final farewell to the long-beloved coach, family man, and mentor. Sixteen thousand friends and fans who were lucky enough to secure admission in the eight minutes tickets were available, as well as thousands more in the TV audience, watched a moving memorial service honoring Joe. Underlying all of the heart-felt and stirring testimonials to Paterno's guiding light was a defense of his response to learning of possible child sex abuse by a colleague in the football facilities. Every speech honoring Paterno's leadership, wisdom, and courage bore an asterisk indicating that when it mattered most, when lives were at stake, Coach Paterno did the minimum of what was required of him, and since this was a day to honor him, well, that was OK by everyone. Except the victims and those who love them.  

The consequences of Paterno's merely reporting what he learned to his superiors were devastating to many people to varying degrees. The most serious consequences of Paterno's doing the legal minimum were for the many young boys who continued being abused and pursued by Sandusky. These young men lost their innocence and bear the scars of their abuse for the rest of their lives. Many of us can not even imagine the profound anguish these men continue to grapple with. By not following up on his report Coach Paterno himself suffered consequences that changed his life for the remainder of his days. In addition to losing the job he had devoted 61 years of his life to, Joe lost his nomination for the Congressional Medal of Freedom, the highest civilian award in the United States. After 61 years of a honorable and storied career, Paterno spent his dying days under intense media scrutiny and speculation about his measure of culpability in the Sandusky scandal. The Penn State community lost a beloved coach and mentor under a veil of possible disgrace. Students suffered mocking and abuse from their acquaintances back home who gloated as Penn State's glossy reputation took on a duller sheen. 

All because Paterno didn't make a few follow up phone calls. Didn't he at least wonder what became of the allegations against his long-time colleague? A call to the police to begin an investigation would have had serious consequences for the University and the football program.  Not calling the police to begin an investigation had serious consequences for the University and the football program and possibly caused years of more abuse. Joe said himself "I wish I had done more." 

But he didn't. The Italian Mama shudders to think that a few follow up calls might have ended this horrible story in a dramatically different way. Most importantly, of course, many young boys, now grown men, might have been spared lifetimes of self-loathing, distrust, and despair. The Penn State Community might have suffered a few days' shame upon learning that the perpetrator of the alleged horrific deeds used the football facilities to groom and victimize his prey. But they would have rebounded and used the opportunity to demonstrate to the world how they deal with those who would bring shame on Dear Ol' State. Joe would have retired with the dignity and untarnished reputation he had earned, and there would have been no question in the minds of his fans if he had died with a clear conscience. All this and more could have happened if Joe had picked up the phone.

Yep, it's that easy to mess up your life.  

...to Believe We Are Better Than Rats

Turns out, rats are a lot nicer than you might think. On NPR's Morning Edition today, Nell Greenfieldboyce reports on a study done by Peggy Mason at the University of Chicago in which she observed rats coming to the aid of a friend in need.  According to the study, which appears in the journal Science,  rats appear to experience empathy and act on it to help a fellow rat.  In the experiment, rats shared a cage for several days, after which time one of the rats was removed from the shared cage and confined in a clear plastic tube.  Unable to move about the cage, the confined rat appears none too pleased at his new living quarters. He squirms and struggles to free himself to no avail. When his former cage mate arrives on the scene,  he immediately understands his friend's distress and works diligently to free him, biting the edges of the tube, knocking against the sides of it, even grabbing the confined rat's tail when it happens to emerge from an air hole.  Finally, the free rat's efforts pay off when he  triggers a release that opens the tube and frees his friend. 

image courtesy of Wikimedia

As I listened to this report, I couldn't help but think about the two boys we know about who were seen being sexually abused by Jerry Sandusky. According to the grand jury report, two witnesses described in no uncertain terms what they saw, and yet neither they nor the superiors to whom they reported the incidents did anything effective to stop the horrific acts that they witnessed or any subsequent sexually abusive acts by Sandusky that allegedly followed.  The Italian Mama wondered what Peggy Mason's rats would do in a similar situation.

While neither witness knew the boys in question as the rats in the study did, the Italian Mama has to wonder why these men did not come to the rescue of those children or the ones who allegedly came after them.  David Brooks, author and columnist for the New York Times, offers a provocative answer to this question in his column "Let's All Feel Superior."  In it he describes what psychologists call the "Normalcy Bias," which prevents some people from processing disturbing events they witness or experience.  "Motivated Blindness" causes some people to completely overlook things that are not in their interest to see.  They simply "shut down and pretend everything is normal." And still others will choose to not look at things that make them uncomfortable. 

These survival mechanisms do not excuse the apparent negligence of the many people who knew about what Jerry Sandusky was seen doing in the shower to ten-year-old boys, but they do help to explain how grown men with good reputations and honorable records could ignore the victimization of young boys.  Other explanations leap to mind as well - fear of reprisals from superiors; devotion to a football program whose pristine reputation must be protected at all cost; concern for the reputation of an esteemed university whose reputation rests at least in large part on the success of its football program.  We may never know what went through the hearts and minds of the people who knew what was going on and yet did nothing to help.

But because we are thinking beings, having the knowledge that we do about the human psyche and the ways in which the mind works to protect itself and those around it, should make us able to realize when our gut instincts will prevent us from protecting innocents and erode the social fabric.  How many times has your fight or flight instinct inspired you to punch someone who posed a threat but you didn't because your more rational side took control, resulting in a heated discussion instead of a fistfight?  That's what thinking people do: they recognize when their survival instincts will do more harm than good and use their superior intellects to resist them.  Surely we can act with at least as much social responsibility as rats.