...to Provide Remodeling Advice

It was supposed to be a small job. Replace the carpet, apply some paint, and maybe replace the bathroom floors. That's it! Just enough to make our well-worn home look appealing to prospective buyers. We are now six months into this simple remodeling job, and there is not one square inch of the house that has not been touched. Bathrooms:  gutted and rebuilt; kitchen: gutted and rebuilt; doors: every single portal both interior and exterior will be replaced by the time we are done; floors: re-tiled; carpet: replaced throughout the house.

It was supposed to be simple!

Turns out, you can't actually do a simple remodel of your home. Since all of the parts of your home are connected, you can't simply refresh parts of it and expect to have the look you want. Replace a door? You'll need to paint the trim and walls of the room it opens to. New paint means a new color and so you'll want to replace the carpet to coordinate with it.  Re-tile the bathroom floor? And then put a chipped and faded vanity on top of it? No, no. That will never do. Refresh your kitchen cabinets, and you're looking at a total redo of the kitchen. You can't put new cabinets on an old floor, and old counter tops practically advertise their years of wear and tear when sitting atop brand spanking new cabinets. Notice a pattern? Unless you have done small refreshes throughout your house each year you have lived there (and, really, who does that?), prepare for an avalanche of jobs, large and small, to consume your life until the house has been totally refurbished.

Say goodbye to your off season clothes; they go to out-of-the-house storage. Photo albums and books? Box 'em up. Extra shampoos and soaps you keep in the supply closet? Hey, if it doesn't sit on a rack in your one functional shower, it goes, too. Wrap up and stow your talismans that line your shelves and bring you joy throughout the day. Pictures of your children? They simply get in the way of painters and flooring folks and risk being damaged, along with the beautiful lamps that light your way through the house. Yep, they all have to go, and if you're like us and want the whole house done in one fell swoop, it all goes at the same time. What you are left with is an empty shell of your sacred  sanctuary dotted with a few cheesey torchiere lamps and tarp-covered couches. Construction equipment fills the spaces left by the good furniture you need to move out of the way or out of the house. Spackle dust coats every surface, even those you wiped down last night. All in all, the entire experience feels as if it were designed for breaking the spirits of fresh Special Forces operatives. 

Now, the Italian Mama is old enough to recognize a valuable life lesson when she sees one, and I'm happy to share it with you here. If you are planning to remodel your home, the first step is to find a realtor you like. For this kind of job, really any realtor will do, but sometimes it's nice to find a friendly face to help you with your plans. Then you should ask the realtor of choice to provide you with a FOR SALE sign which you must promptly erect in a prominent location in your yard. There! Remodeling done! Now, that is simple.